Staying Fat for Sarah Byrnes

Chris Crutcher

“There is no need to ever apologize for feelings. Deserved or not, feelings are real reactions to the happenings around us. They can change over time, but they are still real.” 
– Mrs. C, my 8th grade English teacher

I’m not really sure why, but ever since I was little, I’ve looked up to teachers more than any other adults in my life. Maybe it’s just because we spend so much time in school as kids that we grow to look up to teachers as second parents – or something – but teachers, whether they realized it or not, were my role models in every sense of the word growing up. Some impacted me more than others, and some for good or bad, but every single one taught me something. Freshman year of high school, Mr. B made me cry during Honors World History and proceeded to laugh about it, helping me realize that some adults never really grow up. Before that though, in eighth grade, I had Mrs. C. Without her, I probably wouldn’t be alive.

When I read the focus novel of this post, Staying Fat for Sarah Byrnes, I found myself constantly thinking about Mrs. C and our relationship.

You see - Staying Fat for Sarah Byrnes is a novel that revolves around two friends, Eric and Sarah; they were very close friends in elementary in middle school, but since high school has started, they’ve grown apart. They used to bond over the fact that they were social outcasts of sorts – Eric was a chubby, awkward kid and Sarah has burns over a majority of her body from a childhood accident. Once the two reached high school, though, Eric started to grow into his chubbiness and make friends; Sarah fell to the wayside. Their senior year, Sarah ends up in a mental institution where she refuses to talk to anyone. Eric visits Sarah daily at the hospital and tries to figure out what has happened to her. As more of Sarah’s story develops, Eric finds himself turning to one if his teachers, Mrs. Lemry, for guidance. Mrs. Lemry ends up sacrificing a lot personally and taking a handful of risks to do what she can to help her students. She even takes Sarah under her wing and keeps her safe when the time calls for it. It’s hard to explain exactly how much Mrs. Lemry did for Sarah and Eric without giving away huge plot points of the novel, but trust me that it was big – matters of life and death big.

Now – maybe not all teacher-student relationships in your life have been this... intense... but I'm sure that each one of you reading have at least one teacher that sticks out in your mind as someone who changed your life for the better.

Teachers are like surrogate parents for most of us when we're growing up; I mean, we do spend just as much if not more time in school than we do in hour homes. I think it's natural for us to gravitate towards teachers as role models, or people we grow to trust.

Teachers went into the teaching career for a reason. They either really love the subject they're teaching or they love kids and want to make a difference. Whatever the reason behind going in to teaching, in choosing to be a teacher, each teacher adopted a pledge to be an advocate for every student he or she comes across. So - technically - every teacher should be there for you. Then again, there are always those teachers who go above and beyond. You know, the ones who go out of their way to help out or actually notice that you're having a bad day and ask about it?

That's what Mrs. C was for me. I had her for 2 classes my entire eighth grade year, so I spent at least an hour and a half around her every day. I'm not even sure what started it, but really soon into the start of the school year, I would go to her classroom like half an hour before the day started and help her set things up or just talk-- and then I'd go there after school too, where we'd talk about random things or work in silence on separate things. She never pried, but she knew something was wrong - that there was a reason that I never wanted to be at home - that something wasn't right. She would smile at me in the halls or in class randomly, or pat my shoulder as she passed. Little things to say, "I'm here." She always told me I could talk to her if I needed to, but I didn't take her up on it then. But just knowing she was there and she cared was enough to keep me going.

Even when I got to high school, and she wasn't technically my teacher anymore, she was still there for me. We e-mailed back and forth and I would come visit at the beginning and end of the school years to help set up and take down her classroom. I didn't know it was her at the time, but my freshman year, she anonymously contacted my guidance counselor at my high school because I had visited and she noticed I had lost like 15 pounds; she knew I had an "eating thing" in the past and was really concerned about me.

My junior year, when everything was happening with Mary's suicide, Mrs. C kept me going. I was upset with her for a while because she had reported me to my high school again out of concern - so I didn't want to talk to her for a few months - but she was always in the back of my mind, pushing me. She cared enough to say something to someone to get me help I desperately needed. She always told me she "wasn't qualified" to talk me through things once they got super serious, but she was the only one I ever really wanted to talk to. She was my motivation to stay alive - I knew she cared about me, and it would hurt her if I was gone.

Even today, when I'm back in my home time, we meet for lunch to catch up. It's bittersweet, really.
I've tried to tell her a few times, but I don't think she's aware of how much she really means to me. She's my role model, my rock, my surrogate Momandbestfriend -- I don't know - my words just don't work.

Maybe that was a round-about way of explaining it - but my teacher saved my life. More than once.
Maybe it's a bit of an extreme example, but -- teachers really do care. Really. Mrs. C isn't the only one out there.
I'm sure you have one of your own in your mind right now.

Sometimes it can be weird trying to talk to a teacher - you worry about being judged or making things weird - but most of them really do care. They want to be there for you. They can help you - or if they can't, they'll help refer you to someone who can.
They're really more observant that you probably think. They notice when you're acting differently than usual. They grow to see you as their own kids in a way.

So try. You don't have to tell them your whole life story, or anything big, really. But you can try to form a comfy relationship. Like Sarah Byrnes, and Eric, and me. Teachers can be more than just your teachers if you want or need them to be.
You have nothing to lose from trying, right?